I have heard from many good sources that Michael Oliver has hit what I consider to be rock bottom! I have heard that in recent weeks he has been spotted outside an Old Country Buffet near his sewer home. He lays by the front doors and pretends to be in pain by moaning. He only does this to people who have already eaten and are on their way out of the restaurant. When some nice soul stops to ask what's wrong Oliver says he is hungry and begs them to fart some of the Old Country Buffet goodness into his mouth! Most people walk away after hearing this request, but enough comply to keep Oliver returning! No one knows if Oliver actually considers a fart to the face "eating" or if it's to fulfill a sick sexual fantasy of Olivers!
UPDATE: Michael Oliver has been banned from the above mentioned Old Country Buffet for harassing their patrons. He has gone back to his sewer home.
6 comments:
That's a good point you raise about whether Oliver considers a fart to be a "meal." I think it depends on whether the Old Country Buffet patrons drop trou prior to farting in his face. If their pants are down, they are likely to receive a wet fart, and fecal juice will probably end up in Oliver's throat, providing a meal (albeit, an unhealthy meal)! On the other hand, if their pants are still up, that wouldn't constitute a meal because fecal juice wouldn't end up in Oliver's mouth. Get it?
Although minute, many in the scientific community consider "fart particles" to constitute a "meal". As the fart particles are small enough to get through most fabric's it is possible that Oliver can get a "meal" even if the donor's pants are up.
Ted Bundy, let's be realistic here. Yes, there are some tiny particulates in farts that might escape through fabrics, but the molar mass of such particulates is neglible at best. When Oliver retreats to his home in the sewer, do the sewer fumes that he breathes constitute a meal as well? I think not - in my opinion, Oliver's mouth has to become moistened with fecal juice for it to be a meal!
Kurt the fart particles released after eating at Old Country Buffet are much larger then normal particles such as sewer gas. Also, because Oliver sees this as a "meal" he will tend to gobble up as many of the particles as he can. Although they are microscopic a Oliver could easily consume enough fart particles to constitute a meal. I see fecal juice as being "dessert".
Even if you were to consider a fart from a fully clothed patron to be a "meal," Oliver would still be hungry afterwards. I wonder if he chases down farts with a handful of rat droppings that he finds underneath an alley dumpster?
Oliver probably mixes rat droppings and hobo semen in a cup making a nice hobo parfait! I imagine that would be a nice follow up to a meal of Country Buffet farts!
Post a Comment