Did Michael Oliver Ponce Have a Sex Change?

Someone sent me this picture and claimed that the girl on the right is Michael Oliver Ponce after having a sex change operation. It appears as though Ponce either threw up on his breasts or has a bunch on bruises on them - I don't know what happened. Can anyone else confirm that Ponce did, in fact, have an operation to change into a woman?

Michael Oliver Ponce Was Great in C.H.U.D.!!!

One of Michael Oliver Ponce's first big roles was in the 1984 horror movie, C.H.U.D. In that movie, Ponce played a Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller (C.H.U.D.), i.e., a monster that lives in the sewer and comes above ground periodically to attack humans. Perhaps the casting director chose Ponce because of his stinky balls and ass and figured that Ponce would be perfect as a sewer monster?

Ponce played his role with no makeup whatsoever and received generally positive reviews. Here is a picture of Ponce from C.H.U.D.:

Did Homeless Men Give Michael Oliver a "Baby Bird"?

I read a story about Michael Oliver Ponce that was written on the wall of a bathroom stall at a rest stop last week. As the story goes, Ponce was in the alley behind a McDonald's last week when he was accosted by two horny and homeless men. These homeless men were apparently raging homosexuals who were turned on by the rank smell of Ponce's stinky balls and ass.

The homeless men were supposedly named Rufus and Mitch. Rufus and Mitch pulled a train with Ponce and then Mitch pulled out and shot his load into Rufus's mouth. Rufus then gave Ponce a "baby bird"! For those of you who don't know, a "baby bird" is a sex move that involves someone spitting a mouthful of semen into someone else's mouth.

I have been unable to confirm any of the details of this account, so if anyone knows any additional details, please let me know soon! Also, did Ponce enjoy being on the receiving end of the baby bird?

Michael Oliver = Son of Sam?

During the late 1970s, New York City was stalked by a vicious serial killer nicknamed, "Son of Sam." The Son of Sam killed six people and wounded seven others during eight different shootings. David Berkowitz was arrested and confessed to two of the murders, but claimed that the other shootings were committed by members of a violent Satanic cult of which he was a member. Here is a picture of Berkowitz:

However, I recently discovered that some of the Son of Sam murders have been officially re-opened, as law enforcement officers are not convinced that Berkowitz committed those crimes. I heard a rumor that a demonic entity committed the murders and then spawned a demon child during the early 1980s. Supposedly this demonic entity is Michael Oliver Ponce! Does anyone know whether there any truth to this rumor? It makes a lot of sense - instead of killing people, Ponce annoys them with his stank b.o. and stinky balls and ass!

Michael Oliver at a Movie Premier for Kate Beckinsale

Here is a photo that was taken at the 2003 movie premier for Underworld, a movie about vampires. As one can see, Michael Oliver Ponce stood on the guard railing and scared away Kate Beckinsale! Kate Beckinsale was clearly frightened and probably thought that Ponce was a little troll who was there to attack her. Luckily, security was able to protect her on this occasion.

Michael Oliver's Grade School Class Photo

Someone sent me this photo that is supposedly taken of Michael Oliver Ponce when he was in the 5th grade. Ponce is the kid way off on the far left-hand side of the photo. As you can see, nobody wanted to sit near him, presumably because of his stank b.o.! It isn't surprising that the other kids kept their distance because as everyone knows, Ponce's balls and ass can be smelled from a distance of several yards away! Even his hot teacher won't stand near him!

Has Michael Oliver Moved Into a Garbage Can?

I have on good authority that this is a picture of Micheal Oliver and the garbage can that he is now living in. It seems that Michael can no longer afford the rent on the dumpster he was living in and is now living in a full garbage can. It does seem that he has on a pair of relatively new sneakers, but I doubt being face down in garbage will help his notorious B.O.!

Candid Photo of Michael Oliver Ponce's Gay Lover?

An anonymous person sent me this photo and claimed that the dude in the picture was one of Michael Oliver Ponce's gay lovers. Can someone verify this claim?

The guy in this photo just radiates homosexuality. The Tigger the Tiger upper body outfit in combination with the Spider-Man underwear is very popular at gay bathhouses. This guy looks as though he's ready to pounce on Ponce and pump Ponce full of his seed!

Gay Relationship With Randy Constan?

Randy Constan is a 54-year-old man who lives in Florida and frequently dresses up like Peter Pan and in many other queer outfits. I think that Michael Oliver Ponce may have vacationed in Florida while touring with The Samples in recent years. Does anyone know whether Ponce hooked up with Randy Constan during one of his vacations? As has been previously reported, Ponce rarely bathes and his balls and ass can be smelled from far away.

I bet that the rank smell of Ponce's taint would really turn on Randy Constan. I wonder whether Randy Constan infected Ponce with any STDs... If anyone has any details, please let me know soon!

Does Michael Oliver Ponce Have AIDS?

John Ritter and Jack Warden co-starred with Michael Oliver Ponce in the Problem Child movies. Ritter played Ponce's father and Warden played his grandfather. Sadly, both of these men have died within the past few years. Ritter reportedly died of a heart problem and Warden was reported to have died from heart and kidney failure.

Everyone knows about the rampant drug use and orgies that are ubiquitous in Hollywood. I heard a rumor that Ritter and Warden may have secretly died from the AIDS virus. If so, I have to wonder whether Ponce also contracted the deadly virus. Ritter and Warden probably deposited several gallons of their diseased seed in Ponce before they died, so it wouldn't surprise me at all if Ponce caught the virus! Does anyone know whether Ponce has AIDS and/or whether Ritter or Warden suffered from the disease?

Michael Oliver's Race In the Special Olympics

Michael Oliver Ponce competed in the Special Olympics back in 1992, when he was 11 years old. Ponce ran the 100 meter dash against other mentally-challenged children and finished in 3rd place with a time of 15.2 seconds. Here is a picture of Ponce that was taken during his race. He sure looks happy, doesn't he? I'll bet he ran right into the caring arms of Big Ben Healy at the end of the race!

Michael Oliver Ponce and Danny Cooksey - A Study in Duality

So I was watching Terminator 2: Judgment Day the other night for the first time in many years and I happened to notice that John Connor's Guns 'N' Roses loving friend was sporting a rather strinking ginger mullet:

So, being the huge fan of Michael that I am I decided to do some research on this imposter to the throne of ginger mullitude...it turns out that his name is Danny Cooksey and not only is his hairstyle the same, but his career path is eerily similar also, with Danny starting out a minor child star and going on to stay below the fame radar as it were, despite his efforts to pursue a career in rock and roll. At one point he was lead vocalist in a short lived Steve Vai band, "Bad4Good":

This is all too similar to be mere coincidence...could it be that Michael and Danny were separated at birth? Maybe they were once lovers who traded career notes? If not I really think they should hook up...wouldn't they make the cutest couple?

Here's Cooksey now...there's quite a resemblance don't ya think?

Is Michael Oliver Hung Like a Baby?

I heard a rumor that Michael Oliver Ponce is hung like a three-month-old baby. Supposedly his cock looks like a tiny Vienna Sausage. Can anyone confirm these rumors? Surely someone has run into Ponce at a gay bathhouse recently and can confirm the details. I wonder if Ponce has even sprouted pubes on his ginger ball sac...

Did Big Ben Healy Burn Michel Oliver's Crotch With Hot Bacon Grease?

I heard a rumor that Michael Oliver Ponce was being really annoying and whiny during a Problem Child reunion a few years ago and really pissed off both John Ritter and Big Ben Healy. Supposedly Ponce kept telling everyone that he was entirely responsible for the success of Problem Child 1 and 2. I also heard that he made fun of Big Ben Healy for his baldness and said, "Big Ben, you wish you had an awesome ginger mullet like me!"

Ponce apparently had his outburst during a brunch and Big Ben Healy quickly took action to silence Ponce. Supposedly Big Ben Healy ran into the kitchen and grabbed a frying pan in which bacon was cooking. Big Ben subsequently threw piping hot bacon grease onto Ponce's groin, causing second degree burns! When Ponce yelled out in pain, I heard that Big Ben smacked him in the head with the frying pain and then sat down and ate the bacon that was cooking in the frying pan!

Has anyone else heard this rumor? Can anyone confirm these details?

Dirty Work?

I have heard that during the filming of the movie "Dirty Work" Michael Oliver decided to stop by the set and see his old castmate Jack Warden. Unfortunately for Oliver, Jack had been drinking and doing smack with co-stars Artie Lange and Norm MacDonald. I've heard that upon seeing Oliver, Jack immediately smashed a Jack Daniels bottle over his mullet and ripped off his pants. Oliver was spitroasted by Artie Lange and Norm MacDonald while Warden dropped trough and took an enormous shit all over Oliver. After a few minutes of this Oliver began to like it and began licking the shit and gobbling up the cocks! Jack Warden did not like that Ponce was enjoying himself and pulled out a bullwhip and began whipping Oliver's testicles! When Ponce also liked that Warden had Artie Lange fart in his face while Norm hosed him down with a golden shower. Lange's fart knocked Oliver unconscious and when he woke up in a dumpster he found that Jack Warden had stolen the money out of his wallet and Artie Lange had taken a shit in it. Some say that Oliver reminisces about this quite often and calls it "the best day of his life".

Mike Oliver's role in Bad Lieutenant

Mike, I just wanted to say that I thought you were amazing in your uncredited role as Harvey Keitel's penis in Bad Lieutenant. You deserved an Oscar for that shit! You must've nearly suffocated! Good job buddy!

Michal Oliver's Early Role in Gremlins

I have uncovered what may have been Michael Oliver's earliest known role. It seems that as a very small child Michael was tapped to play the character "Stripe" in the movie Gremlins. I've been told that Michael needed no makeup for the role and saved the producers quite a bit of money! Way to go Mikey O! Unfortunately even at a young age his co-stars were disgusted by his foul smell and Phoebe Cates was rumored to have vomited upon meeting him.

Michael Oliver's Role In Nightmare on Elm Street!

Michael Oliver Ponce stole the show in the Nightmare on Elm Street movies. As you may recall, he played the evil child-killing monster, Freddy Kreuger. The Freddy Kreuger character was an evil man/entity who had severe burns over his entire body. Ponce was great and didn't even need to wear any makeup whatsoever - he had the perfect complexion for the role!

I heard that Ponce may have won an Oscar for his role. Does anyone know whether that is true?

Is There a Rubik's Cube Stuck in Michael Oliver's Colon?

I heard a rumor that Michael Oliver Ponce brought a Rubik's Cube with him to the set of Problem Child 2 and had a tantrum because he couldn't solve the famous 3-dimensional puzzle. Apparently Big Ben Healy became irate at Ponce's whining and violently shoved the Rubik's Cube up Ponce's ass. Supposedly the Rubik's Cube still resides in Ponce's colon and can be felt by anyone having anal sex with Ponce.

Has anyone else heard this rumor or know whether there is any thruth to this rumor?

Did Michael Oliver Molest a Bear?

I've heard from good sources that park rangers in California are currently investigating the possibility the Michael "Ponce" Oliver recently molested a gay black bear. It seems that Michael and the bear had hit it off during one of Michaels forays into the California woods when Michael got a bit inappropriate. It seems that after spending most of the day with Oliver the bear grew to hate him and his rank ass and was actually planning on eating him. Oliver however had different plans and tried to put the moves on the bear. When he was rebuffed Michael got very mad and forced the bear to lick his stank ass taint! The bear reported this to park rangers and the description the bear gave led the investigation directly to Oliver. Stay tuned!!!

Does Michael Oliver Enjoy Being Tea-bagged?

I wonder whether Michael Oliver Ponce enjoys tea-bagging... I'll bet he loves it when sweaty homeless men dunk their nuts into his mouth! Ponce probably sucks all of the sweat, dirt, and lice off those dirty nuts within minutes. Ponce probably also likes it when a homeless man farts right in his face while also tea-bagging Ponce! Man, Ponce must be extremely horny and demented!

Michael Oliver's New Lover?

I have on good authority that this fine strapping man is Michael Olivers new lover! (Sorry guys he's off the market again!) It seems that this is Cledus, Michael's 3rd cousin and the two of them are going at it hot and heavy!!! Michael treated Cledus to a fine meal of Old Country Buffet farts. Then the lovers went back to Michael's sewer home for some HOT lovemaking!! I hear that they are trying to create a buttbaby!!!! I'm sure that it would be demented and would have the best mullet ever. So far the relationship is just about massive amounts of butt loving and Old Country Buffet but some insiders think that a gay marriage may occur down the road!!! Stay Tuned!!!


UPDATE: Michael and Cledus have broken up! It seems that after the recent allegations of Michael molesting a bear Cledus kicked him to the curb. Hot studs be on the lookout as Ponce is back on the market!

Michael Oliver in the Gayest Video Ever!

HEY MIKEY O! Big Ben Healey found the skeletons in your fucking closet! Yeah, I remember when you had a stint as the singer from Rammstein, and you made what has to be the Mount Vernon of queerness! This is what happens when you welsh on Big Ben Healey debts! Hope Ninja Gaiden was worth it, fuckface!

Line of Gay Men Waiting for Blowjobs from Michael Oliver?

Here's a nice picture of gay homeless men lined up. I heard that these men are waiting in line for blowjobs from Michael Oliver Ponce and to also have anal sex with Ponce. Does anyone know if there is any truth to this rumor?

Be sure to check out the crazy-looking mongoloid in the upper right-hand corner of the photo. He's wearing a red shirt that appears to have the number 18 written on it. I'll bet that dude really gave it to Ponce!

Was Michael Recently Fired by Chris Burke?

I have on good authority that Michael Oliver was recently fired from his roadie duties for Chris Burke's hardcore queercore band! I'm sure that everyone remembers Chris Burke from his role as "Corky" on the show Life Goes On. It seems that somehow Michael sought out Chris and they began a heavy love affair. Chris invited Michael to be the groups roadie and off Michael went on the road with Chris and his band. However, things turned sour when Michael placed an enormous poster of his head on the stage along with the band's equipment. Michael tried to explain to Chris that he was trying to generate a buzz at St. Pauls Elderly Home so that the people would know that he "Michael Oliver" was the roadie for the show. To make matters worse later that night while on the tour bus Chris walked in on his bandmates, the Demasi twins, spitroasting Oliver!!! Well that was enough for Corky and he fired Michael on the spot! I'm bummed as I was hoping to catch Michael when Corky and his band played at a local Jr. High School!

Does Michael Oliver Beg for "Fart" Meals Outside Old Country Buffet?

I have heard from many good sources that Michael Oliver has hit what I consider to be rock bottom! I have heard that in recent weeks he has been spotted outside an Old Country Buffet near his sewer home. He lays by the front doors and pretends to be in pain by moaning. He only does this to people who have already eaten and are on their way out of the restaurant. When some nice soul stops to ask what's wrong Oliver says he is hungry and begs them to fart some of the Old Country Buffet goodness into his mouth! Most people walk away after hearing this request, but enough comply to keep Oliver returning! No one knows if Oliver actually considers a fart to the face "eating" or if it's to fulfill a sick sexual fantasy of Olivers!

UPDATE: Michael Oliver has been banned from the above mentioned Old Country Buffet for harassing their patrons. He has gone back to his sewer home.

Is Michael Oliver a Bug Chaser?

The Rolling Stone magazine published an article about gay men who have unprotected gay sex in the hope of contracting the deadly HIV virus. Such behavior is somewhat common in the gay community and gay men who engage in such risky practices desiring to contract HIV are called "bug chasers." Does anyone know whether Michael Oliver Ponce is a bug chaser? He's probably ingested thousands of gallons of HIV juice at rest stops and gas station bathrooms over the years!

Michael Oliver's Role in "Alien Autopsy"

One of Michael Oliver Ponce's most unusal roles was in the 1995 TV special, Alien Autopsy - Fact or Fiction. It aired on the FOX network during the summer in 1995. Michael acted in the original footage without using any make up at all! Ray Santilli, a London-based video entrepreneur, claimed to have original black-and-white video footage on an autopsy being performed on one of the aliens allegedly captured in Roswell, New Mexico in 1947. He peddled his footage of what was supposedly the autopsy to various networks and FOX produced a special show about the footage.

The alien autopsy footage was later proved to be a fake when John Ritter recognized Michael Oliver Ponce as the alleged alien carcass. Here are some images of Ponce from that TV special:

Is Michael Oliver Hung Like a Tic-Tac?

I heard a rumor the other day that Michael Oliver Ponce has an extremely tiny penis. Does anyone know if there is any truth to this rumor?

Supposedly it is the size of a Tic-Tac breath mint. Of course, popping a Tic-Tac breath mint into one's mouth would freshen one's breath, whereas popping Ponce's tiny Tic-Tac sized cock into one's mouth would make one's breath smell like Ponce's stank balls and ass. Ponce, maybe you should approach Ferraro, the company that manufactures Tic-Tacs, and try to convince them to create a new flavor that tastes like your smelly balls and ass - I'm sure it would be a top seller in the deviant homosexual community!

I've fucking had it!!!

I spent all fucking April down in Cancun sucking down pina coladas and punching mules and childrend in the fucking dick in order to get ofver my fucking rage because you stole muy fucking money to buy that goddamb Ninja Gaiden shit Video game! Guess what, Junior? The rage hasn't gone away at all! Fifty Dallars! That's what I paid your fucking old man for an entire's week of work! Do you want to dig up John rigtter's goddamn piece of shit corpse and make him work down at big ben's Place? Do you have a spare copy of the motherfuckingdogturded Necro fuck Nomicon lying around, you black wearding mullet red mulleted fuckstick? I bet you do, but you ain't getting my son to step foot in the greatest sporting fgoods store there is ever again! He fucked with my store bad enough the last time he brought your oughtabe aborted ass through the windows! No way! Not again! Fuck! Necromancy isn't going to screw me over again! You better pay up, junior, you little ginger queer donkey fucker, or you're bo gonna need some poopstick necromancy yourself! Ninja Gaiden doesn't give you the right to shit all over sother people'es feelings you bastard basket case! You owe me fifty dollars, and Big Bend is gonna send miy hitman Mister Belding to get your money and shit all over the Sampler's band equipemtn. You've had your day, you punked out of my epic documentatry Problem Child Three: The Legend of Curly's Gold, and now you're gonna make up yfor your unfilial behavior. No grandson of my ing ine is going to get by inthe Healy family without paying some shit dues! I know where you are I know where to find you ad that's that. Pay up or I'll break your ninjA Gaiden vicdeo game and ayour Nintendo and then your kneecaps. I studied nunchuks after you knowcked me yout of the window and left me on that tree to die. Some guy at Wedynyddwendy's th taught me how on his lunc h break. So no w I know all your secrets. Are you scared? You better be, punk! I'm gonna bring my robot wife form the Twilight zone if that's not enough! You're DEAD!

Yours,

Benjamin Sophocles Healy, First Duke Healey

Michael Oliver Loves Having Random Dudes Fart in His Face?

I have heard from terrific sources that Michael Oliver's favorite hobby is to have random dudes sit on his face and blow ass! He also very much enjoys farting on his hand and smelling it! I'm told that he loves to eat garbage and excrement then he waits for his digestive system to produce some rank farts. He cups his hand beneath his ass and farts into it. He then immediately takes his still cupped hand up to his face and deeply breathes in his own flatulence. I've been told that when doing this he moans in ecstasy as this is the most pleasurable thing for him other then young Mexican boys farting directly into his face! Rumor has it that Michael tried storing his farts in a Mason jar but he found the farts deteriorated and didn't provide the same level of pleasure he receives from a "fresh" fart. Way to go Mikey that sounds uber disgusting! The picture is of one of Michaels lovers farting in his face during a "fart frenzy".

Michael Oliver's Role In "Star Wars: Return of the Jedi"

The most successful movie in which Michael Oliver Ponce has ever acted was 1983's hit, Star Wars: Return of the Jedi. In it, Ponce played Admiral Akbar, the Supreme Commander of the Rebel Alliance Fleet fighting against the forces of evil! A picture of Ponce dressed up as Admiral Akbar is shown below. As one can clearly see, Ponce wore minimal makeup for this role and, in fact, the only way to tell that he's an admiral is by looking at the shirt he's wearing! Ponce really fit the look for this role, although I think he should have shaved his whiskers before appearing in the movie.

Speaking of admirals, I wonder if Darth Vader gave Ponce a "rear admiral" on the rowdy Return of the Jedi set...

Michael Oliver's Role in "Annie"

In 1982, Michael Oliver Ponce starred as a little orphan in the box office hit, Annie. Ponce played a homeless little girl who is orphaned during the Great Depression and lives in an orphanage with a runaway dog until she is adopted by a rich man. I personally thought that Annie totally sucked when I saw it as a child, although it was fairly popular. Ponce did, however, impress me with his immense talents as a character actor, wearing a dress throughout the movie and getting a firecrotch perm!

Michael Oliver's Role in "Creature From The Black Lagoon"

One of Michael Oliver Ponce's first movie roles was as Gill-man, an amphibious monster living in an Amazonian rain forest, in Creature From the Black Lagoon. Ponce played the title character in this horror flick and he did so without wearing any makeup, resulting in a fast shoot for the movie! Here's a picture of Ponce from the movie:

Hot Picture of Michael Oliver Out Shopping!

Here's a nice picture I found. This appears to be a picture of Michael Oliver Ponce out shopping. He sure is the fashion icon! He obviously enjoys wearing skin-tight leotards, especially without underwear. Ponce must be an exhibitionist who wants the whole world to see his junk. I wonder if the back of his leotard has skidmarks... I'll bet his stank balls and ass can be smelled from 100 feet away!

Michael Oliver Recently Spotted at Gay Bathouse?

I have heard from good sources that after reading many of the blogs on this site Michael Oliver is in a rush to wash his sweaty, stinky balls and asshole! Over the weekend he was spotted heading into this gay bathhouse where he received many golden showers and a few hot carls! I'm told that although he wound up smelling worse then ever (his mullet now reeks of piss) he found the bathhouse experience to be a good one and will return! So all you hot queers keep an eye out for Oliver at your favorite bathhouse!!!

Michael Oliver's Role in Wrong Turn

Michael Oliver had a starring role in the 2003 horror flick, Wrong Turn. In the movie, Michael Oliver Ponce played a canniballistic inbred mountain person who went on a killing rampage. Ponce was very believable in this role. He also managed to perform this role with no makeup whatsoever! Here is a picture of Ponce from the movie:

Michael Oliver's Role In Deliverance!

One of Michael Oliver's first movie roles was as an ugly inbred kid in the movie Deliverance. Michael played the banjo in a famous scene with Ronnie Cox. Here is a screen cap of Michael Oliver Ponce from that movie:


Here's a clip of his scene. Michael sure could strum the banjo! Maybe that's why he decided to be a roadie - he must love being around music.

Michael Oliver's Acting Career Is In The Toilet!

Michael Oliver was one of the most versatile and sought-after child actors of the 1980s and early 1990s. He starred in many movies and TV shows. For all intents and purposes he was the "go to" child star to cast in any role requiring an ugly kid with red hair. As has been discussed below, he starred in numerous roles on Diff'rent Strokes, played a little girl on Small Wonder, was the title character completely sans-makeup in Mask, etc.

However, Michael Oliver Ponce's career has stalled over the past 10+ years, forcing him into his dead-end roadie job where he is apparently unable to shower or bathe for days on end, resulting in everyone at his concerts being able to smell his stank balls and ass from a distance of several yards. Ponce, you need to follow the lead of Ron Howard. He was the ugly red-headed kid on Happy Days and although he's even uglier now as a middle-aged adult, he is one of the most successful directors in Hollywood. Ponce, I hope you get it together soon!

Michael Oliver's Role on Small Wonder

One of Michael Oliver Ponce's first roles was as Harriet Brindle on the mid-1980s syndicated hit show, Small Wonder. Ponce dressed as a little girl for this role and became universally known as one of the most annoying characters in TV history. Ponce's Harriet was kind of like the female version of Screech from Saved By The Bell. Here is a picture of Ponce from his days on Small Wonder:

I heard a rumor that several years ago Ponce drove to Vermont to exchange gay nuptials with some other dude. Here is a picture from his gay wedding (Ponce is the one on the left - he must have been so happy to find manly love with another fire crotch!):

The Diff'rent Strokes Episode Where Michael Oliver Was a Junkie!

One of the most famous episodes of Diff'rent Strokes was the one where first lady Nancy Reagan stopped by Arnold Drummond's grade school to give an anti-drug talk. Michael Oliver was a drug dealer in that episode! Here are some screen caps from the episode where Oliver was trying to sell uppers to Arnold and Dudley. I heard that Oliver was arrested for drug dealing after this episode was filmed and sent to a juvenile detention facility for several years where sadistic homosexual prison guards passed him around as candy. Does anyone know if that's true?

Michael Oliver Ruined Diff'rent Strokes!

Michael Oliver played "Sam McKinney" for the final two seasons (from 1984-1986) of the hit TV sitcom, Diff'rent Strokes. Sam was the son of Maggie McKinney, played by Dixie Carter, a southern belle who married Mr. Drummond (played by Conrad Bain). I thought that the addition of Michael Oliver to the Diff'rent Strokes cast ruined that show. His character was universally hated.

In one classic episode, Oliver's character, Sam, was kidnapped by a deranged man. Fans of Diff'rent Strokes hoped that Sam would be written off the show in this episode; unfortunately it didn't happen, and Sam returned in the next episode. This is a clip of the young Michael Oliver from that episode:

Did Big Ben Healy Make Michael Oliver Dress Up as Wonder Woman?

I heard a rumor that Big Ben Healy was a huge fan of the late 1970s TV show, Wonder Woman. I also heard that Big Ben used to make Michael Oliver Ponce dress up as Wonder Woman for their late night gay sex romps. I'll bet that Big Ben bought the outfit below for Ponce on his 18th birthday and coated it with cum stains over the next week as they made passionate homosexual love over and over again. Does anyone know it these rumors are true?

Gay Relationship With Dustin Diamond?

Does anyone know whether Michael Oliver and Dustin Diamond ever hooked up for some hot and sweaty unprotected buttsex? I'll bet that Oliver had a field day with Diamond, teabagging him for hours, Big Ben Healy style! They would probably make out for hours and roll aroound in each other's feces in Oliver's basement!

Did Michael Oliver Abort His Butt-Baby With A Coat Hanger?

I heard a rumor that Michael Oliver Ponce was anally impregnanted by Big Ben Healy on his 19th birthday. Apparently Big Ben Healy fired his seed up Oliver's shit pipe over and over again over a two week period. Two weeks later, Oliver discovered that Big Ben's potent seed had created a butt baby that was growing in Oliver's anal orifice. Oliver was so scared that he quickly ran to Big Ben Healy for some advice.

Big Ben didn't want to have to financially support his butt baby, so he decided to abort his gay love child. Instead of going to an abortion clinic, Big Ben decided to abort Oliver's butt baby the old fashioned way - i.e., with a rusty coat hanger. Big Ben used a coat hanger that he received from the Chinese dry cleaner over on 50th street and untwisted the metal and jammed it up Oliver's rectum for several minutes until Oliver passed out from blood loss. Big Ben was so happy at that time that he jerked off onto the unconscious Oliver's firecrotch.

Does anyone know if there is any truth to this rumor?

Garbage Truck Sex?

I have on good authority that this is a picture of Michael Oliver following a tryst he had with two garbage men in the back of their truck! Uber Hot!!! Mike is really sexing things up in a big way taking on two well hung garbage men in the back of their truck! From what I hear they gave him a good spitroasting then tried to crush him in the compactor because he annoyed the hell out of them. Way to go Mikey!!!

Hot Picture of Mike Driving His Yugo!

I found this sweet picture of Michael driving his 1985 Yugo! I didn't even know any still existed but I have to say it looks like Mike takes pretty good care of it! I wonder how much man-ass Mike has gotten with that fine vehicle? I love the P.C. he had professionally painted on the side!

Michael's Rap Album!

I remember when my grandson got pissed at Hulk Hogan when he lost to the Ultimate Warrior at Wrestlemania VI. Michael made a rap album, titled "Be a Man"! It was great!



Unfortunately, Junior picked up his business sense from his old man and was swindled out of the album rights by "Macho Man" Randy Savage. The lyrics were all rewritten by Macho's brother, "The Genius", and Oliver was thrown into a sewer!
Rolling with the Samples sounds like a pretty sweet deal by comparison!

Was Michael Oliver Married to a German Shepard?

I have recently heard that Michael Oliver was married for a short time to a German Shepard named Max. I'm not sure exactly when this happened but I do have on good authority that the two lived in the LA Sewers until ultimately Max decided to divorce Michael! The picture on the left is of Max and was taken on Michael and Max's honeymoon! Michael is one strange character! WOOF!!!

Does Michael Oliver Ponce Fantasize About Hulk Hogan While Jerking Off?

I heard a rumor that Michael Oliver Ponce is a huge wrestling fan and that his favorite wrestler is Hulk Hogan. I also heard that he would masturbate vigorously while watching the Hulkster wrestle and his favorite matches were those between Hulk Hogan and Randy "Macho Man" Savage. Last December I was at a rest stop on Reno, Nevada and I read some graffiti that alleges that Ponce used to rent Hogan's "No Holds Barred" movie almost every week so that he could watch it while cracking one off. Does anyone know if there is any truth to any of these rumors?

Was Michael Oliver a Gay Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?

It has come to light in the last 24 hours that Michael Oliver was at one time a member of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! After the last report of Michael living in the sewer it was reported that Michael was actually the 5th member of the legendary ninja turtles. Unfortunately for Michael his character "Liberace" was caught in some unseemly positions with the Turtles male adversaries! Thus Michael was thrown out of the Turtles, thrusting him into the sewer to live a dark and smelly life. I was only able to find one picture of Michael as "Liberace". I was surprised to see that Michael wore his trademark bow tie even when in full turtle attire! The sword is unmistakably Michaels! He looks adorable!!! His being thrown out of the Turtles must have been a heartbreaking blow!

Does Michael Oliver Live in the Sewer?

I've recently heard from good sources that Michael is currently living in the LA sewer. This would make sense as he already is known to smell like a sewer and his lack of any actually job must have him financially strapped. Can anyone confirm that beneath this manhole is Michael Olivers current home? Also, I have heard that Michael holds queer orgies in his sewer paradise on a regular basis. Can anyone confirm this, and if so how do I get an invite?

Michael Oliver's Halloween Costume!

I found this great picture of Michael Oliver Ponce. This was supposedly taken last Halloween at a party. Ponce went dressed as Superman! He looks so cute. He probably got lots of candy from the pockets of strange men that night.

Michael Oliver's Role In Beetlejuice

Once of Michael Oliver Ponce's breakthrough roles was as the title character in the hit 1988 movie, Beetlejuice. Ponce played "Beetlejuice," an ugly monster who was also a bio-exorcist. Ponce is a great character actor and was superb in his role. Astonishingly, the producers raved about Ponce's performance in large part because he required no makeup whatsoever for his role! His skin is naturally extremely pale and with a little bit of haircoloring, he was good to go!

Hot Picture of Michael Oliver!

I found this new pic of Michael out with some of his friends! He looks pretty hot! I heard that recently he was spotted out on a date with Jm J Bullock! Can anyone confirm this?

Michael Oliver Should Go Nude in New Movie!

I was thinking about the new movie that Michael's starring in and I hope for everyones sake that they made sure to put some gratuitous nudity in the flick! Hopefully we will all soon be seeing Michael's tiny meat thermometer as well as his pasty white buttcheeks! Oh man, I am really getting excited thinking about Micheals firecrotch on the big screen! Make it happen Hollywood! Even better would be if the Dirk Benedict (Face Man from the A-Team) and Michael were gay lovers in the movie! Now that would be Hot!!!

Michael Oliver in New Movie?

I've been hearing nothing about this new movie starring Michael Oliver but I have found a few tidbits about it. The movie is to be called "Solitaire"
http://www.heybirdyproductions.com/SOLITAIRE/castcrew.html

I love the pic they user for Michael! Mikey don't you think you may want to update your headshot?

This is the plot of Solitaire:
"Set in a future where the software and pharmaceutical industries are about to merge into one powerful entity, the story centers on a female computer engineer who is wrongly sent to an experimental prison."

More about the movie:
"SOLITAIRE
Remember the adorable redhead from Problem Child?
Remember the ridiculously cute kid from Kindergarten Cop?
Remember the kid that played Alfalfa in the Little Rascals remake?
Remember that ugly blonde chick from the band Twisted Sister?
What does any of this have to do with anything?
One word: Solitaire

Every child star and product of the 80’s is being rounded up to star in Solitaire; an extremely low budget movie that has high hopes of rekindling our love for our favorite child stars.
I have to admit, I’m very intrigued and somewhat excited about this movie’s release. Do you know how hard it is to find a recent picture of Michael Oliver at the age of 25? It’s a difficult task…I know. I lost sleep over it, INDEED.
Maybe these stars have a chance? I sure hope so… they deserve a chance to be more than a one hit wonder."

And Micheal Oliver's responses to these kind comments:

1. "pc Says:
   October 31st, 2006 at 11:40 pm

   just for the record, no. that ISN’T me. insofar as finding recent pictures is concerned, how would you feel if complete strangers were trying to find pictures of you, based on something 15 years ago?
   i like my quiet existence, and don’t consider myself a “one-hit-wonder”…i was just a kid that got lucky. nothing more."

2. "pc Says:
   October 31st, 2006 at 11:43 pm

   also…..solitaire may or may not happen. if i get another chance to have some fun, cool. if not, i won’t be stressing out about it.
   like i said, i’m happy with my quiet existence. i’ve already done the showbiz bit, and now i’m doing other things."

What an asshole! Trying to be all laid back about a new movie that people invested money in! Cool dude, I really don't give a shit if the people who put money and effort into a movie ever see any reward for it. It's no wonder Oliver hasn't worked as an actor in 15 years. At least he's finally out hitting the dumpster scene and doing something he's actually good at!

Big Ben Healy Sucking Off Michael Oliver?

Does anyone know what is going on in the picture below? Michael Oliver Ponce has an evil grin on his face. Was Big Ben Healy under the table sucking Ponce off when that photo was taken?

Another Michael Oliver "Swordfight" Picture

I couldn't believe the massive erection I got when I came across this picture of Michael! Neil had already posted a picture of Michael playing with his sword and this seems to be another pic in the series! Uber Hot!!!! I wish Mikey would have a swordfight with me!

Was Michael Oliver Really Elliot Spitzer's "Kristen"

I've been hearing rumblings from deep within the queer community that a massive cover up is afoot! Although impossible to confirm at this moment I'm hearing that the actually identity of the person that brought down Elliot Spitzer's political career was none other then Michael "Kristen" Oliver! I've heard that Michael was actually a high priced call-man who worked for the service "The Emperors Club" to which Spitzer belonged. Michael would charge upwards of $1000.00 per hour to dress in his red bow-tie and seduce wealthy older men! According to my sources deep withing the bowels of the queer community a deal was brokered that allowed Elliot Spitzer to claim a hetero relationship so that he would not be further destroyed! I have also heard that Michael Oliver was behind the destruction of Jim McGreevy, former governor of New Jersey as well!!!! Can anyone confirm this uber hot story?

Does Michaels Mullet Make Him a Sex Symbol?

I've been thinking long and HARD about Michael recently! I know that he's just about the perfect man, from his trollish appearance, rancid B.O., and monstrous forehead! But I keep coming back to that amazing mullet!!! I think the idea that I could after making sweet love to Micheal blow a massive load into that mullet is what really turns me on! I also dream about leaving a massive crap on Michaels bird chest then using that crusty, filthy mullet to wipe my ass with! Just the thought of it gets me super excited!!! Is anyone else as turned on by Michaels mullet as I am? Oh Micheal, if you're out there reading this please contact me to make all my dreams cum true!!!

The Bow Tie Killers!

Hey guys! Last night, a couple of us creeps decided to start a gang!
It's called The Bow Tie Killers!
We've all gotten our ink and we're ready to throw dumbbells at the warden!
Watch out, Smiley Pies!

Recent Spotting Of Michael!!!!

I was happy to find this recent spotting of Michael Oliver!

"I saw him at Circuit City near Christmas here in Tennessee (uh oh, Oliver may delete this just because I said I saw him!). He was dressed in faux leather with his red stringy mullet flowing. On the right chest panel of his jacket, he had the letters "P.C." on it. Talk about obsessed!"



Sounds hot!!! I wonder if he was on the southern dumpster circuit at the time?

Michael Oliver's Biological Father?

There are rumors that Carrot Top and Jack Warden are Michael Oliver Ponce's parents. As I have previously mentioned, the rumor holds that Jack Warden anally impregnanted Carrot Top, who gave birth to the young firecrotch months later, in 1981. However, I recently heard that Carrot Top may have been cheating on Jack Warden with the guy in the picture below. Oliver, is the guy shown below your true father? He looks pretty low-class, has a long mullet, and appears as to be wearing a small goatee, just like you!

Young Lust?

I've heard from good sources that at one time Michael Oliver had a massive crush on Josh Taylor from the show "The Hogan Family". Since his half brother was an actor on the show Michael would always hang around in hopes of catching a peak of Josh and would stare at him with dreamy gazes of young lust! Unfortunately Michaels happiness was crushed when he approached Josh in his trailer off set and asked him if he wanted to play Atari with him. Josh was not fond of Michael and farted on him telling him to get the fuck out of his trailer and called him a "troll". Michael ran away with tears dripping onto his red bow tie. He must have been crushed!

Mike Starring in a Hot Rock Video!

A good friend of mine took this fine picture of Mikey O shooting a video back in 2003.

"This screencap is Dimebag Darrell's response to hearing the Samples. It's from a bootleg Damageplan video."

Personally I love that Mike wears a bowtie even while being sodomized with a guitar!

Big Ben's "Big Ben"

Big Ben Healy, is it true that you got your nickname from your unusually-shaped member? Was the type of scene outlined in my picture a common occurrence on the rowdy Problem Child set?

Hot Pic of Mike after a dumpster party?

I like this pic. I wonder if Big Ben lost a load on Mike's face?

Hot Request for Michael Oliver!

Michael, you already have met many of the requirements to be an icon of the gay community. You have rancid BO, horrible personal hygiene, a job as a roadie, and a sweet mullet. I think to sweeten the deal even further it would be great if you would grow a great set of mutton chops! I can't imagine how hot you would look with some terrific fire red chops! I would love to coat them in some man goo, and I'm sure with your bathing schedule they would quickly become hardened with dried man chowder and fecal remnants! Oh man I'm getting so excited thinking about it! Please get to work on this as quick as possible Mikey!

John Ritter's Last Words?

In the last few weeks there has been a medical malpractice trial going on regarding John Ritter's death. During the trial it came out that John's final words were "JUUNNNIOR!!!!" Seconds later John was gone. Also, I was amazed to hear that in John's personal belongings was a recent pic of Michael Oliver, the one of him strutting around doing roadie duties, and it had what was determined to be semen on it! What's up with that? What kind of sick hold did Mike have on poor John Ritter?

Oliver's Appearance on Platypus Man?

Hey Oliver, is it true that your appearance on Richard Jeni's show "Platypus Man", so haunted the comedian that he would eventually commit suicide because of it? Why the hell would you do something like that?

Mikey O At a Daft Punk Show!

Last year, Michael and I went to a Daft Punk show in Las Vegas! We had a great time! As soon as the music hit, Mikey did what he does best - dropping to his knees and pleasuring as many dudes as humanly possible! I snapped this shot of Oliver and a couple of his adoring "fans" as Daft Punk busted out "Around the World"! There are some moments in a person's life where time seems to stop; this was one of those times.
For their encore, Daft Punk brought Mikey onstage, and violently spitroasted him while shaving his mullet off with a hair clippers! It was awesome!
I miss these grandfatherly outings with the boy.

Michael Oliver & Big Ben Healy Comic

Look at this awesome comic involving Michael Oliver and Big Ben Healy. Big Ben Healy is getting even with Oliver for damaging his store and being such a little brat! Big Ben is coating Oliver with a nice watery diarrhea spray - that will teach that little brat to be good!

Is Michael Oliver a Racist?

There was a heated altercation outside the Tomcats Theater in Hollywood on Wednesday, where Michael Oliver repeatedly rebuffed the advances of famed Hollywood she-male, Lavonne! Oliver continuously referred to LaVonne as a "piece of shit nig-nog", and threatened to curb-stomp her into Play-doh! Oliver, would you care to state your side of these proceedings before the steamroller of White Guilt takes you from us for all eternity? We would greatly appreciate your perspective on this burning issue!

Earwax!

I was just told by a highly reputable source that Michael Oliver sucks ear wax from Hollywood bums! Before this burning news hits such publications as The Enquirer and OK!, would you care to refute these allegations, Sir Michael Oliver? The entire world waits with bated breath as to your description of your mouth as the Earth's Anus! Let us know as to your response to these descriptions of your habitual truancy!

Michael Oliver Ponce's Meal?

Ponce, I heard that Big Ben Healy ate Taco Bell and then sprayed diarrhea all over the toilet bowl in the bathrooms off the set where Problem Child 2 was being filmed. The photo on the left was supposedly taken by Big Ben Healy with his portable camera so that he could show it off to his grandkids later. Please confirm that Big Ben walked you into the bathroom on a leash and then you eagerly got down on your knees and ate his watery feces. Did it taste good and did you wear a Red Lobster bib while chowing down on your meal? Please contact me to confirm the details.

Eats His Own Feces?

I have uncovered another uber hot story about Michael Oliver! According to my sources a few months back Michael thought he was gaining to much weight. Since he was on hiatus from the roadie world he found himself getting fat. Without the daily bouts of lugging speakers around and having tons of buttsex he put on quite a few pounds. To take off the weight he dedicated himself to only eating his own shit! I've heard that he may have contracted a disease or two from doing this, and his breath smelled worse then usual, but the diet was a total success!!!! Congrats Mike, on eating your own shit and dropping twenty pounds to maintain that frail figure that we queers so adore!

To Michael Oliver

Okay, this is going to be a serious post. No Big Ben Healy tomfoolery. Michael Oliver, we know you read this shit, just like you read everything else on the Internet. I'm sure you'll read this, and feel free to reply.

Owing entirely to the antics on this board (and ultimately to the queers on IMDB, which I haven't been a part of), I bought the Tantrum Pack last week. In fact, the queers on this board have taken a renewed interest in the Problem Child films since all this started. (You can thank us when your one dollar royalty check comes in.) I watched the two movies, and they were GREAT! And despite what you've said about fulfilling a "look", your acting was fantastic! I don't think that any other kid could have pulled the job off like you did.

So what the fuck happened?

Your mom pulled a Kit Culkin, held the studio up for payola, and fucked your career into the ground, it seems. Yet if you really wanted to continue acting, there was surely some outlet which you could have taken. Instead, you dropped off the planet, cementing Junior as the only thing that anybody outside of The Samples knows you to be. It's like a condensed version of Dustin Diamond's sadder and more queer-friendly career. You get points for not badmouthing your former castmates - but then again, half of them are dead, and Gilbert Gottfried is unassailable (though you handed him his ass in Problem Child, and Amy Yasbeck never starred in Showgirls, so you're kind of Dutched there. You've never appeared on a reality show in an attempt to revive your career, so you get BIG points on that. I hope you've never picked up a chick at an Arby's. Good work on all that.

Yet you paradoxically maintain this veneer of asshole paranoia about your public persona - which hasn't existed in fifteen years. You monitor every comment on the internet concerning you, and attempt to erase the ones you find offensive. Your article on Wikipedia contains a discussion page where you (or at least somebody who went by "RoadiePC") have commented, apparently trying to steer the tone of the article towards your sanitized version of things, made obvious by the complete omission of Universal's lawsuit until very recently. Not that Wikipedia isn't subject to bullshit from all angles (including us), on all subjects. But it's rather tasteless (and I'm an expert on tasteless).

Yeah, most people you meet are going to call you "Junior". But that's on you and your agent. The level which you monitor your public perception is completely unnecessary, and it is almost solely responsible for the creation of this board.
Unlike Screech, a lot of people LIKE what you've done. You never made a "Problem Child: The College Years", or "Problem Child: The New Class" (although that might have been Problem Child 3, which you ducked out of). There are many child actors with worse careers than you've had.

What makes our mockery of Dustin Diamond - which has gone on for the better part of a decade - so fun is in the way that he has responded to our bullshit with such anger. He attempted to sue our original queerboard, dustindiamond.com, and lost. It's only gotten worse since then. The creepy thing about our "fansites" is how much we know about the actors, and their shows. The Dustin Diamond contributors have an almost Trekkie-like obsession with Saved By the Bell. Yeah, we use it to proposition Screech into violently gay sex, but that doesn't take away from our dedication. To my knowledge, we're the only fansite you have.
We're assholes. Get used to it. But you could have fun with this.


Yours,

Big Ben Healy

Why Doesn't Michael Oliver Ponce Play an Instrument While on Tour With The Samples?

I have always wondered why Michael Oliver Ponce, the studliest man in the history of the universe, doesn't play an instrument while he's touring with The Samples. Are his roadie duties that time-intensive? I heard a rumor that while on the rowdy Problem Child set Ponce used to tune Big Ben Healy's meat whistle. The word on the street is also that he is an expert at playing the skin flute. Since he undoubteldly has substantial experience in manipulating these instruments, I question why he's not up on the stage jamming away during the many standing-room-only concerts for The Samples. Can someone please enlighten me?

Did Michael Oliver Live With Michael Jackson?

I've heard from good sources that after being tossed away by Carrot Top, Michael sought refuge with the King of Pop, Michael Jackson. I've also heard but been unable to confirm that Michael Oliver shared living arrangements with Bubbles the Chimp and that he was forced to take care of Bubbles. Unfortunately I have heard that Michael Jackson grew tired of Micheal Oliver and decided not to keep him, instead keeping Bubbles the chimp! After being tossed out of Neverland Mike O tried to search out Werner Klemperer who played Colonel Klink on the show Hogans Heroes as he felt that Colonel Klink would have been a great Dad. He was unsuccessful and thus decided to become a hobo.

Is Michael Oliver the Illegitimate Son of Carrot Top?

Michael Oliver Ponce, I heard a rumor that Jack Warden impregnanted Carrot Top with his potent seed back in early 1981, and Carrot Top gave birth to you on October 10, 1981. Supposedly, you were Carrot Top's "butt baby" and were born directly out of his ass - Carrot Top is your mother and Jack Warden is your father. Is there any truth to this rumor? I also heard that Carrot Top was upset that his anal pregnancy ruined his figure, causing him to turn to steroids to lose the pregnancy fat. Did Carrot Top disown you for this? Is this why you were supposedly caught living in a dumpster in New York City a few years ago? Please get back to me soon!

Remember when...

Hey Ponce, remember when you did a brief stint as roadie of a unknown and untalented alt rock band called Salty the Pocketknife? Remember how you knew nothing about their music, but you were attracted to the band because it featured none other than Dustin "Screech" Diamond on bass guitar, someone you had always admired? Remember how excited you were at the prospect of "hangin" with a mega-star like The Double Dog?

Remember how nervous you were about meeting him for that first time? Remember how you introduced yourself, and Dustin seemed really kind and down-to-earth? Remember how you chatted, and then you went backstage to set up the amplifiers, feeling relieved? Remember how your relief turned to horror when you overheard Dustin talking about you with his bandmates, and you heard him say "what's the deal with that dumb fuckin' roadie? He's got worse BO than a cab driver! And what the fuck is with that mullet, who does he think we are, Motley Crue? What a loser!!!!"? Remember how drummer Evan Stone chimed in with "he looks like the sort of complete and total assclown that likes to play with swords in his spare time, and religiously check up on what people are writing about him online? What a total douche!"? Remember how the righteous indignation built within you and you vowed then and there to exact a horrible vengeance upon The D-Man and the other members?

Remember how showtime came around, and it was finally time, after days of meticulous preparation, to put your dastardly plan into effect? Remember how you constructed a makeshift cannon out of an old pipe and some theatrical explosives, and got a bunch of homeless dudes to shit in the pipe, with the intention of showering Salty with homeless dudes' shit during the show?

Remember how Salty ripped into their first song? Remember how the singer was tunelessly screaming like a cat undergoing a particularly violent anal raping? Remember how the guitarist obviously thought he was the re-incarnation of Frank Zappa, and tried to play as such, despite the fact that a man with no fingers could probably have played better? Remember how Screech and Evan were laying down what they thought was a "righteous groove", but which in fact sounded very reminiscent of The Shaggs on a bad day?

Remember how you decided it was time to put your plan into effect? Remember how you hid backstage, cackling maniacally, you lit the fuse of your makeshift cannon, and BANG! The band and audience were completely coated in fecal matter? Remember how you poked your head out to admire your handywork? Remember how you witnessed a gay scat orgy the likes of which had never been encountered before? Remember how the audience seemed to consist entirely of very very gay men, most of whom were clad in leather, sailor suits, or assless chaps? Remember how you realized that Salty must have been, despite their utter shitness, the hottest queer band operating in the country at the time, and that your shit-cannon had sparked off a spontaneous fecal orgy of butt-sex? Remember how you saw Screech, Evan and the others in amongst the writhing throng, sucking, fucking and smearing with gay abandon?

Remember how you thought to yourself, "meh...if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!" and you dived right in?

You sure learned a thing or two about life on the road that time!

Michael Oliver's Filthy Underwear?

I heard that Michael Oliver sometimes shits his pants during concerts for The Samples, and that is why his balls and ass can usually be smelled from 10+ feet away. This isn't surprising because the small venues at which the The Samples play often probably cannot afford indoor plumbing and a long line forms at the outhouse/hole in the ground in the back parking lot where people go to the bathroom. Oliver probably does his best to hold it in until he's finally at the bathroom, but he's only human, and God knows that Taco Bell can create a massive diarrhea release within hours of being eaten!

I heard a rumor that underwear in the image on the left is actually Michael's and was taken after he returned from a tour for The Samples. Apparently he wore this crusty underwear for two weeks straight! Does anyone know if this is true and/or have any additional details? Also, does anyone know what he ate before soiling his underwear?

Lived in a Dumpster?

I have heard from solid contacts that before "The Samples" gave Michael a shot a being a foul smelling roadie Michael had been living in a dumpster. I've heard that for a year or two in the late 90's Michael, by choice, decided that instead of heading out each night in search of queer dumpster parties he would live in a dumpster and let the parties come to him!
This sounds like a pretty good idea since Michael could care less about personal hygiene. I have a picture of the purported dumpster and it looks fairly comfortable. I notice it is a NYC dumpster and I was not aware Michael had lived in NYC. Although, I guess since he lived and partied in a dumpster he wouldn't have had a real address! Can anyone confirm this?

Ass Breath and Nasty Teeth?

I've heard from good sources on the dumpster circuit that Michael Oliver's breath smells like complete asshole! Also, I've been told that he only has a few teeth and they're black! Can anyone confirm this? I was told a story that Mike was hooking up with some dude and Mike breathed on the dude and he passed out from the heinous stench! Doesn't this guy have any normal personal hygiene habits?

Does Michael Oliver Ponce Have Pubic Lice?

Hey Ponce, do you have pubic lice, a.k.a., "the crabs"? It wouldn't surprise me if you do. You seem to be very dirty and apparently have rampant stank b.o., as confirmed by people at The Samples concerts. Bathing only once every few weeks has to make your groin the perfect home for pubic lice. Are the pubic lice attracted to your wet farts and the fact that your underwear has 2-week old shit crust stuck to it?

Did you get the pubic lice from John Ritter or Big Ben Healy? Did those guys die from complications due to the pubic lice? Please get back to me soon. Maybe you should walk naked through a public car wash to cleanse your body of pubic lice and other infestations!

Michael Oliver, Scientologist?

Hey Michael, were you ever approached by Scientologists after Problem Child, or were you such a loser that they didn't even bother? Did Lord Xenu ever make you his concubine, and spit-roast you with John Travolta? Get back to me on this, you little fuck!

Michael Oliver Perfume?

Hey Oliver, it's obvious that your roadie career has derailed and is quickly going nowhere. You need to kick things up a notch and use your immense fame and popularity to fatten your wallet. You are well-known throughout the world for several things, such as your greasy long red mullet and your nasty b.o. that reeks of your balls and ass.

I think you need to bottle your stank b.o. to the deviant gay community! You could call it Junior's Taint or something like that!!! I think it would sell well within the gay community that cruises to gas station bathrooms, rest stops, and to the dumpsters in the alleys behind the local Taco Bell for gay unprotected buttsex.

You're sitting on a goldmine right now and you don't even realize it!

Shot Down by Jason Batemen?

I've heard rumors that when Michael was younger he had a massive crush on Jason Batemen, co-star of his half brothers show, "The Hogan Family". I heard that Michael finally worked up the nerve to try to put the moves on Jason one day while Jason was hanging out with his former "Silver Spoons" buddy Ricky Schroeder. Michael asked if Jason wanted to go on a date and Jason immediately punched him in the cock and he and Ricky stomped on Michael until he was unconscious. They finished the beatdown by dropping trough and taking a dump on Michaels mullet! I've heard Michael has pined for Jason ever since!

"Three's Company" Spit-roast?

Oliver, I just discovered that the father of Colby Kline is Richard Kline, the guy who played playboy Larry Dallas on Three's Company with John Ritter during the late 1970s/early 1980s. Did Richard Kline and John Ritter ever double-team you while singing the Three's Company theme song? Did Don Knotts ever show up and pleasure himself while watching? Please let me know soon!

Recent Pictures of the Girl Whose Birthday Party Oliver Ruined!

Oliver, I found these recent pictures of Colby Kline, the girl whose birthday party you ruined! As one can see, she has become pretty hot since 1990 when Problem Child came out. I don't know what the deal is with those freckles or moles on her cheeks, but she's far better looking than you, a ginger fire-crotch! This girl wouldn't give you the time of day if she walked past you in the street. You probably don't care anyway because Big Ben Healy will always be your true love from the Problem Child cast, won't he?

Video of a Young Michael Oliver Ponce Ruining a Little Girl's Party

Hey Ponce, why did you have to be such a little jerk and ruin a little girl's party? Is it because you hated her due to the fact that she was a girl and didn't have a tiny cock, like you? That little girl is probably in her early 20s by now and might be hot, but I guess you don't want any of that anyway! You'd prefer to rest in the comforting arms of an older gentleman dressed up as Big Ben Healy or John Ritter, wouldn't you?

A Little Big Ben Healy, Anyone?

Ladies and gentlemen, the time has come to put a little Big Ben Healy into your sad wasted lives. Enjoy this scene from the documentary on my life, titled "The Problem Child", due to Mikey O. fucking me out of my mayoral race and ripping off fifty buck to buy Ninja Gaiden for Nintendo. You will PAY, MICHAEL!!!
In the meantime, enjoy this humorous clip.



Yours,

Benjamin Sophocles Healy, First Duke Healy

The Problem Child Theme Song!

I found a sweet cut of AC/DC's theme to my mayoral documentary, where Michael Oliver fucked me out of the presidency! Anyway, most of the video is black, but the song is sweet as a poodle's shit! Rock and roll!

Big Ben Healy Fucks Bitches Up!

Here's a little photo documentation where I, Big Ben Healy, throw down on a couple of pussies! I even overdubbed the video, en Espanyol, so you can fully absorb my machismo fury! Enjoy, and know that someday, I'm going to to the same thing to Junior, but I'm going to do it with my dick!

Did Oliver Ever Receive a Reach-Around?

When making love to Big Ben Healy, does anyone know if Big Ben Healy ever gave Oliver a reach-around? If he's nice, I think he would have done so. However, Big Ben Healy seemed like a selfish dirty old man, so I have to believe that Oliver was not extended the common courtesy of a reach-around. :(

What about John Ritter? I think he would have been a more passionate and caring gay lover for Oliver. It wouldn't surprise me to discover that Oliver and Ritter had passionate unprotected buttsex on the very day that Oliver turned 18 years old and was finally of the legal age of consent. I'll bet those two lovebirds must have waited anxiously for so long to consumate a gay relationship!

Mike's rampant B.O.

As soon as I heard about Mike having hygiene issues, I put out the feelers amongst my queer buddies who had lived in California to see what they could tell me. They informed me that Mike was somewhat notorious in certain circles, and rumor had it that the stench and the sweat from his taint, balls and ass is so potent that it actually eats through his underwear. He gets through several pairs a week. Maybe that's where all the money he earned doing Problem Child went...

I don't mind though...the first time I conjured up a mental image of being mounted by Mr. Ponce and having him plough my ass with his ginger love sausage, all the while being enveloped in the fumes of his pheromone-rich musk, I blew a massive load clear across the room. Mike, keep on stinkin', buddy!!

Box Wine, Mullet, B.O., and an Asshole?

I found this claim on a page that Michael frequents and moderates constantly. Actually, many of the replies to this were deleted so I must assume Michael saw this and it is true.

"He was shopping at a Ralph's in Burbank with some lady. Anyway, I saw him near the alcohol section and he was looking at wine in a box. I went up to him and asked if he was the guy from problem child. He said yeah, and then went back to looking at the wine in a box. I asked him what his real name was and he replied, " Roadie Pc" and laughed( I was confused about this until I went to these boards) I then said my goodbyes and attempted to shake his hand and he refused and said, " I only shake hands of people I know" I left amazed that this guy was such a prick. Anyway that was my run in with the Problem Child."

What the hell is wrong with this guy? Isn't it bad enough that he reeks of B.O. and is forced to buy cheap box wine? Now the guy chases off the 1 fan he had?

Homer Simpson Doesn't Like Michael Oliver?

Someone I know claims to have made a screen capture of a recent episode of The Simpsons. Apparently Homer Simpson doesn't think too highly of Michael Oliver!!!

Samples Ticket Stub!

I remember going to a Samples concert a few years ago so I went through my stash of old ticket stubs. Here is what I found!!! I never noticed that Michael was advertised on the stub itself! I do remember the firecrotched Roadie who's B.O. stole the show. Once catching a whiff of Mike's aroma I remember hooking up with 20 or thirty random dudes! It was a full on manfiesta once everyone got a breath of Mike's essence! I remember seeing a dude in a sleeveless flannel shirt with a red mullet taking on 5 dudes at one time! What a great night!!!