Friday, February 22, 2008

Why Did Oliver Become A Roadie?

Michael Oliver, what prompted you to become a roadie? Yes, I know that it is an extremely prestigious position that is incredibly intellectually demanding. Hell, I have heard stories about young grads from Harvard Law School that have been unsuccessful in breaking into the roadie profession! However, there must be something more beyond the intellectual stimulation and the impressive $12,000 salary you must make every year that prompted your career change.

Please confirm that you were at a concert for a shitty band in Los Angeles a few years ago with your gay lover, Big Ben Healy. Is it true that a roadie walked past where you were standing and you were amazed that you could smell the roadie's balls and ass? Is it further true that the roadie had shit his pants 30 minutes beforehand? Is it true that the stank odor turned you on? Is it also true that you immediately pulled down Big Ben Healy's pants and sucked him off and then toss his salad in front of everyone in the club? Is it also true that you paid the roadie $5 for his skidmark-encrusted underwear and framed it as some kind of trophy in your Section VIII apartment? Is it true that from that day on you realized that your true calling was to be a roadie?

Please get back to me soon on this one, buddy!

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